The Love Guru will Tank

Don't worry, I'm not going to get all box office forecaster on you, (even though I should do that constantly, because I'm fucking sick at it), but my senses are telling me that there isn't a shot in hell that two weeks after this movie is released it is going to be called a hit. There are so many factors against it, it's probably funnier than the movie itself. Let's go down the line.

1) It's opening against 'Get Smart', Steve Carrell's new action comedy which has been getting good buzz for a couple of months now, and mediocre-to-good reviews. Box office pundits have it opening somewhere between $30-50 million, depending on who you talk to. That alone eats $50 million worth of people who would have been suckered into seeing Mike Myers fuck around with a gay looking Justin Timberlake.

2) The trailer is absolutely terrible. It is so terrible, it has spawned more message board threads than needle marks on Amy Winehouse's arm. The juvenile humor looks so low grade that adolescents beyond fourth grade would cringe. Yes, even fifth graders would.

3) The reviews pouring in have been worse than 'The Happening', which was to be relegated the title of 'Worst Summer Movie 2008'. M. Night's movie has even DOUBLED the amount of positive notices on Rottentomatoes.com. That's 11% vs. 22%, but still.

4) After opening this afternoon, audience reaction on Yahoo! Movies, a good indicator of general audience appeasement, had the movie at a C- grade after only an afternoon worth of showings in which hardcore fans line up first. In contrast, the Happening had a so-so B- (which after a week of play has downgraded itself to a C-)

I'm still guessing with a built-in fan base for both Myers and Timberlake, 'The Love Guru' should still crack the $20 million barrier its opening weekend, only if poor word-of-mouth doesn't spread quick enough for it to experience day-to-day drop offs. If that's the case, Steve Carrell's fucking his wife twenty times over for getting all that free business. Do it gently though Steve, it's going to be a happy weekend for you.